Who is Sarah Pailn?

1. A dumb chick

2. A hockey mom in a country that doesn't care about hockey

3. A 44-year-old GILF, essentially

4. That social studies teacher you had in junior high you'd throw paper airplanes at when she turned around

5. The librarian who came into your class to talk about "Read Across America Day," which inexplicably fails to live up to its name as an acronym by being one word off spelling "READ." 

6. Tina Fey on a bad day

7. Your new co-worker who doesn't seem qualified but you don't ask questions because you heard she cries "harassment."

8. That drunk chick at the Bob Weir & Ratdog show, doing that hippy dance from 40 years ago like its Monterey. 

9. That drunk chick at the bar you hit on for an hour before realizing that:

     a. She's not that hot

     b. She really doesn't look like Tina Fey

     c. She doesn't go all the way

     d. If she did go all the way, she wouldn't let you use a condom

     e. Chick's a raging maniac and has nothing intelligent to say - usually this point is of the least importance, however if a dumb chick is dumb and never shuts up, this can be a recipe for a miserable evening. 

10. A pit-bull? Really? Come. On. She is a terrifying little dog. 

11. The lunch lady who can't get the order right, even when there is just one order that day. "I thought today was Dominoes pizza day. What's this? You gave me beans? Are we out of pizza?"

12. The lady David Blaine finds on the street and convinces that she's thinking about the six of clubs. And while she's not paying attention, he steals her wallet, her watch, unclips her brassiere, takes off her glasses, lets down her hair, and does his best Barry Lakin impression. 

13. That awesome mom who lets you hang out with her daughter and doesn't intrude or ask questions. She just says, "Hi Levi, how was hockey practice? I've gotta run to the Baskin Robbins if ya don't mind, but Bristol's in the other room horny as a bull. You kids have fun, OK. Okey dokey, see you kids tomorrow." 

14. John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate. 

15. Running for Vice President. 

16. She could be our next president.

17. She could be our next president.

18. She could be our next president.