Spring Break!

It's Spring Break! Whoohoo, Spring Break! I'm going to have so much fun over Spring Break! Oodles. Buttloads. You name it. Lots and lots of fun. Here are 10 Spring Break activities...

1. Road trip. Go somewhere. You got a week. 

2. Beach. Does not count as a road trip, yet a trip to the beach is in many ways equally desirable. 

3. Baseball. Throw a ball around with the old man. 

4. Relax. Celebrate the freedom of youth by exercising all zero of your responsibilities. 

5. Read a book. Kidding. Unless it's that book. 

6. Visit friends. Visit them at college, at home, or in Cancun. 

7. Spring fling. For those spending break anywhere but their parents' house. 

8. Go to the city. So if anyone asks you if you went anywhere "interesting" over break, you can always mention the city. 

9. Gardening. Because flowers bloom in spring sometimes. 

10. Grill. Get those grills out from the garage and flip me some o' dem fatty patties!

If you can't find the time to do any of these, you can always just Roast Larry the Cable Guy. 

Mount Rushmore of Anything Pt. 1

In honor of ESPN's new segment, "The Mt. Rushmore of Sports," I've compiled a little Mt. Rushmore of my own, of anything, Pt. 1. 

Mt. Rushmore of Athletes:

Michael Jordan

Babe Ruth

Pelé

Muhammad Ali

These are the only consensus best players their sport has ever seen. Joe Montana was the first name off, but a strong case could have been made for Jim Brown, therefore weakening the argument for Joe Cool. Apologies to Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Hulk Hogan. 

Mt. Rushmore of Guitarists:

Jimi Hendrix

Eric Clapton

Robert Johnson

Eddie Van Halen

We go rock god, blues/rock god, blues god, and shred god. Apologies to Jimmy Paige and Duane Allman. 

Mt. Rushmore of Prematurely Dead Actors:

James Dean

River Phoenix

Heath Ledger

Selena

RIP James "Rebel Without a Cause" Dean, River "Joaquin's dead brother" Phoenix, Heath "Casanova" Ledger, and Selena. 

Mt. Rushmore of Kevin Spacey movies:

American Beauty

L.A. Confidential

The Usual Suspects

The Negotiator

Apologies to "K-Pax," "Pay it Forward," and "Se7en." 

More to come, maybe. 

A New Hope

That's right, Barack Obama is now president. I'm excited beyond words. It's a good feeling to support your leader. This here is a list of all the things I like about Barack Obama. 

1. He's the best motivational speaker I've heard since Tony D'Amato. 

2. He's a baller. 

3. He is a family man. 

4. He looks good in trunks. 

5. He'll buy you a beer. 

6. He has good taste in women. 

7. He's a jokester. 

8. He's been a published author for almost 15 years now. 

9. Hawaiian, yet rarely boasts about how great his home state is. 

10. Likes Kanye and Bruce Springsteen. 

11. He can dance. 

12. He'd text me updates throughout his campaign and on the day of the inauguration. 

13. He favors a college football playoff. 

14. He's from the city. 

15. Street-cred. 

16. Perfect teeth. 

17. The O-Boner he gives me when he speaks. 

18. Overcame deaths of his parents. 

19. Seems to be in favor of favorable things such as peace, prosperity, freedom of speech, and progress. 

20. He can dance.